If you’re an adult living in the United States, chances are you’ve noticed that a lot has happened around here over the last 12 months. It’s possible that you have tiptoed through relatively unscathed. Maybe you’ve mastered a new skill, maybe your business has surpassed a stretch goal, maybe you PR’ed on Romanian deadlifts. Go you! But regardless of which echo chamber subcategory you’re in – and let’s be honest, if you’re on social media, the algorithms have ensured you’re surrounded by your own social/political/religious/cultural views – you’ve probably found yourself compulsively scrolling through your feed with increasing feelings of: anguish? Doom? Despair? Sorrow? Yeah, can’t seem to hide from those.
May I suggest that the quickest way to Keep Calm and Carry On is to bury those feelings under an impressive pile of impulse purchases? Tiny, measured doses of dopamine administered throughout your week via shopping that will pause your Doomscrolling and not require a telehealth zoom appointment with your therapist.
So, here are the thoughts that stirred up some Bad Feelings, and the corresponding things I bought that sparked enough temporary joy to make it through another day.
THOUGHT while standing in the shower trying to use up an extra 10 minutes of interminable lockdown days: Did I really slur on about nipple sizes at that cocktail party seven years ago? Why didn’t anyone stop me? Should I even consider them friends anymore?
THOUGHT while watching my Gardenias die a sudden frozen death in a freak snowstorm: Is there an afterlife, or are we not handling the fact that we’re all currently dying?
THOUGHT while tossing last week’s wilted bag of spinach to make space for this week’s fresh bag of spinach: Institutional racism won’t be resolved in my lifetime.
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on the internet. If you are suffering, you are not alone and please reach out for real help from another human. Obviously, many of the world’s ills cannot be fixed with tchotchkes and carbs. That said, if that’s something that gets you through your week then come on over, you can sit with me.