Before I tell you about my attempt at a beautiful, hot, bubbly, calm, relaxing bath, let me remind you that I am married, have 4 dogs, 5 kids (17, 15, 7, 6, & 3), and they were all home.
Well, that sounds like the end of the bath right there! But, I persisted!
I even followed the rules for moms to get a bath:
- All people in the house were fed.
- I had plenty of time to take a bath.
- I had given everyone ample attention.
- I had signed at least 30,000 things for school.
- (This one is most important.) I told my husband and children what I was doing and how long I would be.
So, here’s how it went.
I went in to the bathroom, turned on the water, and dropped in the bathbomb I’ve been hoarding for 3 days. I finally got to go to the bathroom. Knock, Knock. I think to myself, “Just answer; it’ll be easier and faster than ignoring them…” Say out loud, “Yes?”
Child 1: “Hey mom?”
Child 1: “Can I go do …..” (Think to myself, “Why is it necessary to ask me this when I am in the bathroom when I was just sitting next to you not 2 minutes ago, and you were playing on your phone and ignoring my existence.”)
Me: “Let’s talk in a minute.”
By now I have made it into the beautiful, hot, bubbly, calm, relaxing bath. I sink. It’s glorious.
Child 1: “Fine.”
My body begins to relax. I can feel some of the tension start to dissipate a little. I can feel “calm, normal, sane, not crazy” me begin to return.
Knock, Knock. “Mom?”
Me: “What?!” (Tone is definitely less nice.)
Child 4: “Mommy, can you sign this form for me for school?”
Me: “Ask your dad!”
Child 4: “Fine.”
I try to focus on the bath and calming down and not freaking out about my kids interrupting.
Knock, POUND, Knock. “Mom??”
Me: “What now?!?!”
Child 2: “Mom, I need to get …” (Complicated and annoying money question)
Me: (through gritted teeth.) “This can wait until I get out of the bath!”
Child 2: “But, mom…”
Me: “NO! GO AWAY! I AM TAKING A CALMING FREAKING BATH!!”
Child 2: “Geez, sorry.”
Maybe 3 minutes pass…
Child 5: “MOMMMMMMYYYYYY!”
Me: “Yes, Georgia?”
Child 5: “Mommy, are drownsing in there??”
Me: “No. I’m getting out.”
Child 5: “Will you read me a story?”
Child 4: “Can I get in the bathtub???!!!!”
Me: (sigh) “Sure.”