Confession of a Mom from the Bathtub

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Before I tell you about my attempt at a beautiful, hot, bubbly, calm, relaxing bath, let me remind you that I am married, have 4 dogs, 5 kids (17, 15, 7, 6, & 3), and they were all home.

Well, that sounds like the end of the bath right there! But, I persisted!

I even followed the rules for moms to get a bath:

  1. All people in the house were fed.
  2. I had plenty of time to take a bath.
  3. I had given everyone ample attention.
  4. I had signed at least 30,000 things for school.
  5. (This one is most important.) I told my husband and children what I was doing and how long I would be.

So, here’s how it went.

I went in to the bathroom, turned on the water, and dropped in the bathbomb I’ve been hoarding for 3 days. I finally got to go to the bathroom. Knock, Knock.  I think to myself, “Just answer; it’ll be easier and faster than ignoring them…” Say out loud, “Yes?”

Child 1: “Hey mom?”

Me: “Yes?”

Child 1: “Can I go do …..” (Think to myself, “Why is it necessary to ask me this when I am in the bathroom when I was just sitting next to you not 2 minutes ago, and you were playing on your phone and ignoring my existence.”)

Me: “Let’s talk in a minute.”

By now I have made it into the beautiful, hot, bubbly, calm, relaxing bath. I sink. It’s glorious.

Child 1: “Fine.”

Disappearing footsteps…

My body begins to relax. I can feel some of the tension start to dissipate a little. I can feel “calm, normal, sane, not crazy” me begin to return.

Knock, Knock. “Mom?”

Me: “What?!” (Tone is definitely less nice.)

Child 4: “Mommy, can you sign this form for me for school?”

Me: “Ask your dad!”

Child 4: “Fine.”

Disappearing footsteps…

I try to focus on the bath and calming down and not freaking out about my kids interrupting.

Knock, POUND, Knock. “Mom??”

Me: “What now?!?!”

Child 2: “Mom, I need to get …” (Complicated and annoying money question)

Me: (through gritted teeth.) “This can wait until I get out of the bath!”

Child 2: “But, mom…”

Me: “NO! GO AWAY! I AM TAKING A CALMING FREAKING BATH!!”

Child 2: “Geez, sorry.”

Disappearing footsteps…

Maybe 3 minutes pass…

Child 5: “MOMMMMMMYYYYYY!”

Me: “Yes, Georgia?”

Child 5: “Mommy, are drownsing in there??”

Me: “No. I’m getting out.”

Child 5: “Will you read me a story?”

Me: “Fine.”

Child 4: “Can I get in the bathtub???!!!!”

Me: (sigh) “Sure.”

And this is how my middle child became my favorite child for the night…

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Rachel is a mother of 5, a wife of a recovering congestive heart failure patient, a runner, a sewist, a teacher, a dog mom: you know ALL THE THINGS! She has lived in the South her whole life. She even teaches High School at her Alma Mater! She is a member of Temple Israel and can be found spending time driving back and forth between schools, ballet, swim team and synagogue. She is also in grad school to get her EdS, and her kids range in age from 16-2, so they stay busy!! In her "spare time" Rachel works on various sewing and embroidery projects.