So Father’s Day is fast approaching and I’m desperately trying to figure out what to give my husband. I am clicking on Facebook Ads, Googling everything, and even searching through my “other” email account for deals that companies might have sent me.
But still, with Father’s Day less than 2 weeks away, I have nothing. Every gadget he wanted, he has. Places to go? Everything is closed. I did find this neat grooming kit for men that included cologne, a comfy shirt, a beard kit with a special bristled beard brush, and a few other items. Since it cost $100, I thought our 4 kids wouldn’t mind contributing $10 each to buy their Dad this Father’s Day gift. But they did mind. They said, and I quote, “Dad looks fine. He doesn’t need that stuff.” Then they proceeded to tell me all they things they were going to make for Daddy. In other words, I am on my own. Even though the kids are making cute crafts and painting, I’m sure he wants more than that. I mean, when it’s Mother’s Day, I adore those macaroni frame pictures, but come on…..give me more please.
So I started thinking, what gets my husband really excited?What is something he would really appreciate? What could make him say, “Thanks, baby. That was amazing!”? And honestly, the only thing that came to my mind was sex.
Anytime I mention “riding the pony”, my husband gets really excited and it shows. It doesn’t matter if we just made whoopee less than 24 hours ago. He is always appreciative during and after a good rump. He will literally say “Yes” to anything and everything. If moans of yes aren’t signs of appreciation, then I don’t know what is. Although he doesn’t say “Thank you” after we Bang, because that would be weird, he does say, “That was amazing.” Sex is fun and has tremendous power to join together the heart of husband and wife.
Well now I feel like I might be on to something. “Hooking up” gets my husband really excited and he seriously appreciates it. So is Vagina a good Father’s Day gift? Or no?
In my opinion, sex is like an exclamation mark at the end of a sentence for men. It doesn’t matter what words the sentence has in it, as long as it ends in an exclamation mark. In other words, I doesn’t matter what the gets for Father’s Day, as long as the day has a “happy ending.”
If you give your husband a Maserati for Father’s Day, but he goes to bed with a dry pecker, I’m sure he’ll say, “Yeah Man! She got me a Maserati for Father’s Day, but I didn’t get to put the ‘P to the V’, if you know what I mean.”
And the other guy would say, “Aww, man. You didn’t get lucky on Father’s Day?! That’s messed up. What does a man have to do to ‘lay some pipe’ around here?!”
Yep. That’s exactly how that conversation would go.
I think I am a really good gift! After all, I’m pretty good in the sack. (I’ve been told that we didn’t get 4 kids by sitting on our hands.) I’m flexible and adventurous and I’m sure I could create a sex move in his honor. And (I don’t want to brag), I’m pretty sure I give the best fellatio this side of the Mississippi. So, yes….this “gift” is sounding very promising.
But, I digress. Is vagina a good Father’s Day gift or no? I’m seriously asking the public here. I know the “V” puts a smile on his face. But it’s not like he doesn’t get it on the regular. But then again, the V is amazing and mind-blowing all on its own, even without the use of hands, lips, boobs, and celebratory cheeks. (For you Rated-G moms, celebratory cheeks are when you make your cheeks clap, and I don’t mean the ones on your face.) Plus, my eager beaver is the only reason he’s a father anyhow! So this should be an annual commencement to celebrate the life-giving power of the V.
But I can hear some of the naysayers mumbling, “Would you like it if he just gave you ‘the wood’ on Mother’s Day?” Honestly, no I wouldn’t like it. Like most women, I’m a little more complicated. I would need at least some flowers and a foot rub with lavender oil. After that, it would be “Open Sesame!” (And if he buys me a book too…….he can get IT!)
So, with no gift yet, other than the one between my legs, I think I might have to rely on the vajayjay to make this the BEST FATHER’S DAY EVER! And if you have a little baby, don’t count yourself out. Sex After a Baby is real!