Once upon a time, my Google searches were targeted and informative; used when I really couldn’t figure something out, like “when to use VLOOKUP vs INDEXMATCH in Excel”.
Now? Google acts as my primary brain. Usually because typing out a question takes less time than accessing my actual less-than-stellar-performing brain (insert sleep-deprivation joke). And nobody prepared me for how much of that brainpower would be used to contemplate poop.
Some things I would never have Googled before parenthood:
I fell asleep on top of my baby’s head.
What is the soft spot called?
How long can a fontanelle withstand pressure?
Will my feet go back to normal size after pregnancy?
What are those chunks in newborn poop?
Does breastfeeding make your body smell weird?
Massage technique to make newborn fart.
Umbilical cord fell off and bleeding 4 days old.
How long do you wear pregnancy clothes after pregnancy?
White noise apps for babies.
Can I leave a phone near my baby’s head?
When do I worry about birthmarks?
Normal baby poop.
Abnormal baby poop.
Signs of mastitis.
At-home remedies for mastitis.
When do I go see a doctor for mastitis?
How does poop change after solids are introduced?
Why does toddler poop smell like bananas?
Fastest way to potty train a 2 year old. (side note: I thank baby jeebus for this book).
Hard poops 2 year old.
Diet for constipated 2 year old.
Does having a sibling give a kid enough socialization that I don’t need to arrange playdates?
Rash on toddler tongue.
Rash on toddler toes.
Can adults get hand foot mouth disease?
Can I use benadryl to knock my kids out for redeye flights?
Can babies eat medium-rare steak?
When can my kids eat sushi?
Do Japanese kids eat raw sushi? (answer: yep).
How often do kids really need to bathe?
Skincare regimen to make it look like I get sleep. (answer: Vitamin C serums to the rescue).