Confession: I Don’t Have a (local) Mom Tribe

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I’m going to admit a secret here and now: I don’t have a local “mom tribe”. I know in this day and age, everyone has a tribe. Articles and books have been written about it. Everyone blogs and Facebooks about how they wouldn’t be anywhere without their tribe and I believe them. 

Now not having a tribe isn’t from lack of trying, believe me! I just seem to be awkward enough (dang introvert personality) that I have a lot of acquaintances but no close local friends. I’ve joined several volunteer groups, I’m the room mom, and I always try to be friendly to everyone I meet. It just seems to be harder and harder to begin meaningful relationships in this season of life.

My long distance “tribe” of best friends are from high school and college. They live all around the country, and sadly, none are local. I also have amazing internet spina bifida Mom friends who have been with me throughout my daughter’s journey. But I have to admit it’s not the same as being able to pop over to someone’s house or meet up for cocktails. 

When I see friends post pictures of their “tribe” out with their kids at the zoo, having dinner together or on a girl’s night out, I feel that small bit of sadness in not having that. 

I know being a mom is hard and having a support system makes it so much easier. I don’t know where I would be without my calls, text messages and DM’s from my long distance tribe. I’m grateful for them every day! 

For now, I’ll just keep on looking for my local tribe. I can see my ad now- Wanted: Non-judgey moms who like to drink coffee, read books, laugh at The Office, love Harry Potter, wear yoga pants and enjoy the occasional cocktail. 

Cheers to finding your tribe, whether it’s long distance or local. We Moms need one another. 

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Erin grew up just outside of Nashville, but has been in the Memphis area for 11 years now. She’s a former middle school language arts teacher turned C.O.O. of the Lewis home (according to her husband). She’s Mama to Liv (2013), who loves to sing and play soccer and Will (2017) who loves dinosaurs, and wife to Chris, her college sweetheart. Between volunteering herself to be the room mom (face palm), driving Liv to zillions of therapies, and keeping Will from destroying everything, life is busy. Erin loves the beach, a good IPA, Target vacas by herself, and anything Harry Potter related (she ships Dramione!). She hates high heels, rude people that stare at cute kids in wheelchairs, and bad tippers.

9 COMMENTS

  1. I love this! This is so me. I have friends but no “tribe” to hang out with. When you find it let me know lol. I need some pointers too.

  2. I can relate to this!! Thank you for sharing it. I think this feeling is more common than Facebook would lead us to believe ?

    • I agree! Often Facebook makes me feel that I’m the oddball out. Writing this and having all the feedback has shown me that it’s very common at this point in motherhood!

  3. In the same boat here. Definitely need a mom tribe. Thank you for sharing and making me feel like Im not the only one without tjat amazing support of local moms.

  4. I feel this to the depths of my soul. I have friends that I hang out with, all church ladies during church ladies nights, and some of them I consider to be good friends. But I don’t have a single close friend. Haven’t for 8 years. And there are times when I feel like the Sahara desert, thirsting for friendship. I would love to be your friend! I love coffee, try very hard to be non-judgy, adore reading, obsessed with Harry Potter, and have an occasional social cocktail. But I haven’t seen The Office (we don’t have Netflix), is that a deal breaker? Also…I don’t live anywhere near Memphis…I’m in Missouri. ?

  5. I can totally relate. We moved away from Houston 6 years ago and my tribe is there. Too bad you’re in Memphis because judging from your last paragraph, we would totally click. ?

  6. Thank you for writing this! It took me forever to find good, real friends after moving to a new city with young kids (years!). It was a very lonely time in my life. There were days when I would come home from (yet another) day alone at the playground and call long distance friends and family crying about all the other moms who were perfectly nice, but not really looking for new pal. I just had to wait it out until I found the right people. Even so, I still roll my eyes at those posts about not surviving without a mom tribe!

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