I’m A Mother, Not A Father


I’m a Mother, not a Father.

I lost my father when I was 10 years old.  This left my mother to handle the parenting duties alone.  She had a great support system that helped her then, and truth be told, they are still helping.  I truly appreciated all of the sacrifices that my mother made on my behalf.  Yes, she was both mother and father but she never expected me to wish her a happy Father’s Day.

Since my divorce in 2009 I have handled all parenting duties alone.  Just like my mother, I have a great support system that helps when needed.  My sons truly appreciate all of the sacrifices that I make on their behalf. How do I know? Because they not only tell me but they show me. And like my mother I do not expect my sons to wish me a happy Father’s Day.  Why you might ask? Because I’m a mother, not a father.

In that last few years the social noise surrounding acknowledging single mothers on Father’s Day has gotten louder & louder.  Well, not for me, because I am not a father.  A father is male, a father is the sperm part of creating life, a father is the other side of the mother coin.  Although I do perform some of the duties of a father, my God given duty is to be a mother. As much as I would like to, for the sake of my sons, I can’t perform all of the duties of a father.  I acknowledge that fact and the fact that I am a very good mother to my sons and no one can take that from me or them.  When they say thank you from the heart, my job is complete.

When people wish me a happy Father’s Day I politely tell them that I am not a father. My sons have a father and that person is not me. May is the month that we celebrate Mother’s Day.  That’s the day that anyone can take the extra time to help celebrate my achievements as a parent.

There are so many fathers out there that are doing fatherhood the right way.  They are totally involved in the lives of their children whether they are in the house with them or not.  There are fathers that give 100% to being good fathers.  These are the fathers that we celebrate on Father’s Day.  They deserve to have this day just for them. They have earned it. It’s the day where we get to celebrate their achievements as parents.

So on this Father’s Day and all that are to come, please don’t wish me a happy Father’s Day. You took care of that in May when you said Happy Mother’s Day.

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This mother of two teenage boys, Robert born August 1999 and Matthew May 2001, is loving life. Being a divorced mom is not easy but together with her family, Belinda makes it work. Born in the Windy City of Chicago, she moved to Memphis at a young age. Belinda is happy to raise her sons in the Hickory Hill area. She loves the big city life with the small town feel. When she's not playing chauffeur for her sons, you will find Belinda at a thrift store or watching her beloved Pittsburgh Steelers during football season. By day she is the Director of Community Outreach for a local non-profit that helps empower women to plan their futures. Belinda's purpose in life is helping others be successful, not just in her own community but the world’s community.