I need y’all to understand something. I love my husband’s kids. I do. I mean, I’m their mom in that I birthed them, but sometimes they’re his. Like when they’ve spent the entire day picking at each other and then tattling to me. Or jumping around and shaking the house instead of doing schoolwork. None of my pictures will stay straight on the wall because these people keep “parkouring” all over the house. Hey, Michael Scott and Andy Bernard, that’s not parkour…it’s literally the furthest thing from it.
If I’m being honest, today was one of these days. I found myself sneaking away to the bathroom to hide for a sec. But no. You didn’t think I manages to slip out without somebody noticing, did you? If you’re a mom, you know what’s up. You know we aren’t having any of that “me time” all the young people of today require. The second my tail end hits the toilet lid (because face it, we aren’t actually USING the bathroom when we hide in there) here they come. “Hey, mom! Are you in there?” No, I made like Rachel Green on her wedding day and jumped out the window. Of course, I’m in here! These children have clearly implanted a tracking device in me while I was sleeping. Y’all, they don’t know my name when I’m in the same room with them, but let me slide out and an all-out search party ensues. Tonight in the shower (uninterrupted because my husband intercepts their mom-search efforts on the regualr) I had an idea. I’m making a sign for my door. I considered a stop sign. But that’s too ugly. I considered “Keep Out” but that’s too rude. What I came up with is pretty genius, IMHO: a flow chart. Now they’ll know under which circumstances they are permitted to knock on the door when I have closed it. You’re either wishing you had thought of it or rolling your eyes with disdain at this barbarian mom who can’t handle one.more.knock on her door. It’s fine. I spent too many years depressed, over-worked, under-rested to really care what someone thinks about my AMAZING plan.
As a mom, I physically and mentally CANNOT give 100% of me all the time to everybody. I tried that once, and I went insane. It wasn’t awesome. It’s OK for you to retreat to your bedroom for a minute (or 30…however long it takes to watch an episode of The Office) to regroup. It’s OK to feel like you can’t do it all…because you can’t. Every day that I wake up, I pray a prayer of “Please give me strength,”and give thanks for the blessings in my life. Then I feel much more ready to take these people on. But honestly, I’ve got to be by myself for a sec. Freeing yourself to take a chill is OK. Keeping a stash of dark chocolate in your nightstand for such occasions is also perfectly acceptable. I respect both decisions.