It’s sex week. So let’s talk sex.
Sex can be a bit daunting when you have kids. You might have to plan sex. You might have to be sneaky while they are sleeping. You may have to do it in the middle of the night. Some of you are planning on another baby, so you are having sex all the time. Whatever the case may be, sex seems to become trickier the more kids you have.
Have you ever wondered how to spice up your sex life with kids? Hopefully, these 5 tips are helpful to make your sex life just a tad bit better.
Communication within a marriage and/or partnership is extremely important, but especially when it comes to sex. This seems like an easy thing to do, but some of you need to hear this: communicating what you want, what you like, and what you don’t like is key. Tell your partner what you want. Tell him/her when you want sex, what you want, and continue to communicate your likes and dislikes while doing it. Some spouses also like noise. The oohs and aahhs and yesses and pleases can make sex more fun. Do whatever you both feel comfortable with. Body language can also make a difference in the sexual experience. The more expressive the both of you are, the better the sex usually is.
- The Quickie
Don’t discount a down and dirty quickie. Sex doesn’t always need to be long and drawn out, with foreplay and after snuggles. I mean, who has time for that? Especially if you’re timing your sexual trysts with nap time or if you need morning sex before the kids wake up. Sometimes just getting straight to business is the way to go. You get a release, your partner get a release, everyone is satisfied. There’s nothing like a quick nookie to help your mood for the rest of the day.
Enjoy experimenting! Being comfortable and having a routine is wonderful, but experimenting can truly breathe the life back into your sex life. Use new positions, new combos, new locations, or if you choose to, use toys. In my experience, experimenting is fun. Doing it at a different place in the house can really spice things up (if somehow you can hide from your kids. Hello laundry room floor!). If you need inspiration, don’t feel ashamed to look things up on the internet. We have done that before and it gave us some great options. Sex is meant to be enjoyed, so have fun!
- Birth Control
The solution to carefree sex: birth control! Having the right form of birth control was really important to us, as we are not ready for another baby just yet. I personally chose to use the copper IUD, as it is non-hormonal and has minimal to no side effects. I have had the IUD for about 6 months now and so far, I am loving it. Compared to hormonal birth control I have tried in the past, this is absolutely the best option for me. It stays in for 10 years, and the pregnancy rate with IUD is only 1 in 100. But do what is best for you. Whether that is condoms, birth control pills, diaphragms, or more permanent means, do what works for you. The point is: if you have a good form of birth control, you have to worry less about “accidentally” getting pregnant, and you can have more, carefree sex. (disclaimer, the “pull out method” is not actually birth control)
- Be Spontaneous
Spontaneous sex is the best. Try not to plan it. Whenever you’re both in the mood and there is a chance and opportunity for it, go for it! In the mood? Initiate it! But even if you have to plan, you can still be spontaneous. You can throw in that new position or new hip move. You could even add some candle light, diffuser scents, or some light music in the background. It will make things more fun, I promise!
I hope these 5 tips have helped you find new ways to enjoy yourselves. If you are having issues while enjoying intimacy with your partner, don’t be ashamed to see a medical professional. I also highly recommend pelvic floor physical therapy. This did wonders before and during my pregnancy, and helped me enjoy sex more freely after!