Weird title, I know. But when’s the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror? Not superficially, but deep down into your soul. The depths of where we hide things and push things away? When’s the last time you looked into the ugly places inside you?
I looked the other day at myself and I didn’t necessarily like some of the things I found. When I went to examine all my inequities, one lately has been weighing on my heart. And that’s being judgy.
Yep, you heard me right. I can be judgy. And I’m admitting it.
Shocking, I know, right?
Moms don’t judge other moms! Right? Right?!
If you met me, you might think I am the complete opposite of judgy. I’m accepting of everyone. I enjoy meeting new people. I enjoy chatting with random people at the grocery store. I am able to BS with new moms at birthday parties or discuss deep thoughts in my women’s bible study. But I’m not perfect. I will never ever claim to be.
And underneath all that white washing, I struggle with judging others. Specifically moms.
Uh oh. Big faux pas.
A big no-no.
The worst womanly offense there is. Being judgy is probably worse than being witchy (but, you know, with a ‘b’ instead of a ‘w.’)
I struggle. Oh I struggle. I judged the mom who wears yoga pants everywhere, or the one who has her hair perfect just to shop at Kroger. I judged the mom who wears full makeup to the gym, or the mom who doesn’t even go to the gym but constantly complains about her weight. I judged the mom who wore their baby/toddler everywhere and the one who doesn’t watch her kids at all. I judged the mom constantly with her face in a phone and the mom who wouldn’t stop hovering a foot away from her kids. I judged the mom with a full-time nanny (must be nice) and the mom who couldn’t handle her one child (GOSH! She really needs some help). I judged the mom who dressed her boy up in smocked outfits and the mom who let her tween daughter wear super short shorts.
Now that I’ve listed that great big list, you’re probably all thinking, wow, this lady is mean! She’s terrible! What an awful person she is! Who thinks all those thoughts?!
Well, guess what. I bet if we truly examined ourselves, if we truly admitted to ourselves the worst inside us, we all have had those thoughts at some point. Not one of us moms can say they’ve never had a snarky thought cross our minds (or lips). Not one of us can deny we haven’t occasionally had a cruel thought pop into our day. Some might even admit to writing controversial statements on social media threads. There’s already so many YouTube memes created about these stereotypes we make fun of—the hippie mom, the alpha mom, the sporty mom, the SAHM, the working mom. WE ALL JUDGE. We judge with humor and we judge with malice. We all assume things about other moms. And you know what they say about people who assume…
I don’t like being judgy. I’m not choosing to be judgy.
That’s not me. Not truly in my heart.
But somewhere along the way of being a mom for the past nine years, it’s gotten easier and easier for a little thought to pop in my mind. An innocent glance at someone turns into an internal eye roll. Gosh! She really should not be wearing that swimsuit out in public.
And I could justify my thought process by saying, well, it didn’t hurt anyone. I never actually vocalized those thoughts out loud. I never told anyone how I felt. I wasn’t really judging the woman herself but her actions.
But I know.
And really, who am I to judge anyway? There’s no right or wrong answer to any of the things I judged. There’s no wrong outfit to dress your kid in. There’s no correct way to feed your child.
Some moms can juggle it all and some moms need help.
We ALL need a tribe of women, whether it’s through a bible study, a baby class, or a social media group.
We ALL belong to the Mom Club.
Shouldn’t that alone be enough to join forces?
So I apologize to all those moms out there that I secretly judged, whether it was the way you handled your child or it was the way you wore your hair. You are trying to be the best woman you can be. You’re trying to be the best mom you can be.
We are all different. We all have different likes and dislikes; different methods and styles. What a boring world this would be if we were all the same type of moms. Luckily, we were all created uniquely. We were created specifically to be our child(ren)’s mother.
So the next time an ugly thought pops into my head, I’m going to be quick to dismiss it and ask for forgiveness. I’m going to pray for thoughts to dominate my mind that are uplifting and positive. I’m going to look for opportunities to tell my friends out loud what a great job they’re doing.
Because when I look in my mirror, I want to like what I see.